Overstock.com has it wrong. It’s not about the “O.” It’s talking about the wrong end.
It’s all about the E.
As in EGO.
No matter what line of business or what aspect of work you are in, to be successful, you need to appeal to others’ egos.
That is one of the core principles in Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People”:
Become genuinely interested in other people: People are most interested in themselves.
Talk in terms of the other person’s interests: Find the interests of others and talk about those things.
Make the other person feel important: People yearn to feel important and appreciated.
One thing stressed in Carneige’s book (and, yes, I have read it, more than once) is that you must be genuine in your dealings with others. Flattery is insincere. You must have a genunine, sincere interest in others.
Want proof that one’s ego is his/her driving force?
Why else would people put such stupid, personal stuff on the Internet? Yes, stupidity plays a part; but it’s also because they like to see themselves published. On display. They want to be famous, even if in some small way.
Examples:
> Northwestern University’s women’s soccer team. Images, though taken down from Facebook.com, were captured by BadJocks.
> You can look at the bunch of stuff posted at MySpace.com.
Yes, you can label some of the above and other examples as simple stupidity (youthful ignorance?). However, ego — and the desire to be famous, known, seen, etc. — definitely plays a big part.
So, when you are done reading my blog and go back to work, or talk with your SO, or deal with a customer, remember, it’s all about the E.
– Mike
Technorati tags: Dale Carnegie, How to Win Friends and Influence People, MySpace, Facebook, Northwestern University, Ego
I try to promote my work on my blog and you have to give yourself a plug from time to time, and hopefully others will too. It has to be done in a way that isn’t big headed as this would turn people off.
It’s true that we all yearn to feel important and appreciated, it’s important for our self esteem and if we have that we are much happier people.
And yes, we are lucky to have Cameron, he seems very genuine.
Lately I have been making it a real point in my personal interactions to ask questions and talk less.
It takes some doing, but I think that you hit on a great point here Mike, one that I am taking to heart.
Kami:
Thank you for the feedback. It all goes back to developing sincere relationships as part of what we do — in work and life. It has been a number of years since I read the book, but much of it still sticks with me. I think it is a must read for anyone in communications, or just in general.
Ellee: You are right, we all need a self pat every once in awhile. And, as long as we’re not breaking our arm doing it (figuratively, of course) or don’t do it too often, it’ll be fine.
Just as long as we keep our primary focus on others.
Mike